Here we are with another episode of “What Blog Post Idea Can My Roommate Conjure Up For Me Today?!?”. This time he said, “Maybe…like something about how to be friends with people that uhhhh, like…you disagree with like politically or something like or ummm whatever?” A quite common occurrence for me, especially in the Bay Area, I thought it was a pretty good topic. Now, I’m no expert on interpersonal relationships but, being an anarcho-capitalist libertarian in a society that generally thinks commodity currency is for backwards savages and owning a gun is akin to murdering a toddler, I would say I have some experience in the field.
AVOID THOSE TOPICS
The first step to learning how to disagree with your friends is learning to avoid disagreeable conversation. I’m not saying you should blindly agree with your friends nor avoid any deep, thoughtful conversations with them. Rather, there is a time and a place; playing Mario Kart while you sip some pints is not the time nor the place. If you know something is a touchy subject, why bring it up while you watch the game or split some G’s? Sounds like a great way to ruin the vibe.
However, I am not saying I agree with the old adage to “avoid politics, religion, or money”, as all three are important topics and you should be able to discuss anything under the sun with your friends. I am simply saying to have some tact about such controversial topics and know when they’re not needed. As an example, I have a manager at work that likes to bring literally everything back to Trump. He’s a decent guy, fun to chat with, and a solid manager, but why does he have to bring up the most unsavory topic all day, every day? Does he like living in a state of anger, frustration, and contention?
HAVE A REAL CONVERSATION
This should apply to almost any interaction with anyone ever; but I really hate how some people go about “conversing”. For those that don’t know, a conversation involves a dialogue by both parties; without such it becomes a monologue and subsequently a lecture instead of a conversation. This means, a conversation is when one person talks while the other listens and then the other person talks and the former person listens. Ideally this interaction would occur in separate steps, unlike the cable news “discussion panels” where they just talk over each other the whole time, much to the dismay and pain of my brain.
Further, a conversation is usually about a topic. While I understand that political discussions naturally pertain to multiple, interconnected subjects, the ability to stay on topic is crucial to any sort of productive conversation. It is very easy to dive into a thousand tangents and do nothing but walk in circles with your conversational partner. If you’re going to disagree with a friend, make sure you both take the time to pause and think so you can both stay on the given topic; this also means shutting up long enough for the other person to think and state their response. It’s almost like that’s how a conversation works.
CONSIDER THAT YOU’RE WRONG
As I mentioned, listening is half of a conversation; without such, it just becomes ramblings to fill empty sonic space. Now, why would you listen to someone speak? Contrary to popular belief, it is not so you can find the next available quiet moment and interject your own thoughts; nor is it so you can find weaknesses in their speech and thereby combat it with your arguments, at the next pause in their speech. Rather, you should listen to others because you might learn something; what a novel idea!
When you have a dialogue, you should consider the fact that the other person knows something you don’t know; which is actually true 100% of the time because they have lived a life you have not and thereby have experiences you have not experienced. Further, they might bring up a topic you have already thought about, but perhaps they give you a different angle on the idea; or perhaps you have forgotten a previously known idea and they remind you that this is something to consider on the topic. If you cannot consider the fact that you may be wrong, then your argument will never strengthen, and you will most likely end up being wrong.
STICK TO YOUR GUNS
Despite what I just said, everyone needs a hill to die on. I have already mentioned mine, but a human without a single conviction is but a leaf in the wind; going any which way the world blows them. One moment they're saying, “Yes, we need universal basic income” and the next moment they’re saying, “It’s not fair how lazy people just get handouts from the government while I have to work to pay my bills.” This is often due to a lack of having any core principles, and thereby cherry picking stances that sound fine and dandy, but in fact have no cohesion, and often contradict each other.
To avoid such an illogical position, one must figure out what core beliefs they have, what substrate follows through all their stances, and not be afraid to voice such beliefs. Further, disagreement is healthy. To say anything, you have to risk the possibility that someone will disagree with you; and such disagreements is how we posit new ideas to each other and burst our own bubbles, a process crucial to learning. And if you think you disagree with someone, it’s because they said something you don’t believe in; why are you afraid to return the favor? It’s nice and all to agree with people and be easygoing, but eventually you gotta pick a hill, dig in, and fight to the last man.
FIND COMMON GROUND
This might be the most important factor in disagreeing with someone, especially a friend whom you want to keep. No matter the subject, you should be able to find some sort of stance you agree on. Despite what the media will have you believe, those on the other side of the aisle are not in fact demons sent from Hell, nor are they subversive agents intent on ruining your life. Last I checked, they are real humans with their own human experiences. And sharing the general human experience with them means that you two most likely have some sort of cross-over in your shared experiences.
For example, I have friends that think state-sponsored welfare, socialism, and communism are viable, beneficial, and righteous social, political, and economic systems, much to my disagreement. It would be very easy for me to be an ass, say they’re wrong, and have an unhealthy relationship. However, upon further consideration, their stances may be due to a situation I fully agree with. Maybe they advocate for socialism because they think medical prices are stupidly high and want to make medical care more affordable for everyone, a notion I support on my own volition; the real disagreement lies not in how we see the current state of affairs or what end goal we have in mind, but rather the best way to get from A to Z. By identifying such common ground, you will more often than not find you two agree on much more than you disagree on.
DOES IT REALLY MATTER?
Lastly, at the end of the day, does this conversation even matter that much? I know we’re supposed to be having dialogues as a society and working through tough issues to make the world a better place and taking action to blah blah blah. That’s all great and stuff, but you have to be realistic; will your little chat with your friend on a Tuesday evening over a cup of tea change anything about global trade or international wars? No; maybe it will sway one vote that is infinitesimally important, but it will not start nor stop the rotation of the globe.
Just like I’ve said before, are you going to burn bridges and spread hate and ruin friendship over an issue that nobody, except the cronies and lizard people at the top, had more than one one-hundred-and-fifty-millionth of a part in, if any part at all? If you disagree with your friend, it’s totally fine; creating a better world starts right there, with two people that disagree with each other. So just shut up, crack a beer, crack a joke, and crack a smile. Life goes on.
As always, I can conjure up a half-baked opinion on just about anything. I probably have more to say, but I need to get this done so I can go hang out with my friends that I don’t entirely agree with on everything and have a good time. Cheers.
While reading this, I thought of one of my favorite sayings "The root of all evil is good intentions". I'm not sure that is the real saying or not, but that is what goes through my mind as I read many news articles.